A while back my dad made a Facebook post about the rules of dating. He doesn't understand why they exist. To him, these rules make dating a game. Me? I think I agree with him. Except I don't even know what the rules of dating are. If by chance the rules did turn dating into a game, this is the world I'm living in. I have to play the game if I want to find love, or the semblance of it.
So, what are the rules of dating? I heard something a few weeks ago along the lines of "He gets 2-3 days to call/text you." Well, that's great. Then what? Is it actually ok for a woman to initiate conversation? In this day and age it seems like a silly question. Then I think about how it used to be. I wasn't around for it, but it seems as if men tried to impress girls. My recent experiences tell me that men are lazy or not courageous enough to make 100% effort. Sensitive guys are great, but I'm a stereotypical woman when it comes to dating. Unless you show me you're interested, I'm pretending I don't see how cute you are. I'm enough of a nervous wreck for the both of us. You don't have to be too. There's something to be said about traditional romance. Mainly because it actually has romance.
In an attempt to figure out the dating rules, I asked my friends to name them. I got a wide range of responses. Interestingly, the only clear cut answers came from two straight guys, which is perfect for me, being a straight girl. One of these men provided me an entire list, but the list seemed more like human decency than rules for dating. Being open and honest? Good communication? Listen? Everyone deserves that. The other simply said, "there are no rules." Those are two very different answers. What is a girl like me supposed to do now? I'm not going to be the girl that asks men their philosophy on this stuff. I can't think of a faster way to lose a guy (maybe, not bringing that stuff up is a dating rule).
All of this led me to the conclusion that we're setting ourselves up for failure. We are attempting to follow dating rules that no one actually knows, and everyone's interpretation of these apparent rules is different. It only leads to mass confusion and broken hearts. If we have to date by the rules, I propose we actually have rules we can follow. Or better yet, how about that human decency thing: just be open and honest. If we can do that, maybe the next time I meet someone with potential I'll know what to expect, saving my ipod from having to play "Foolish Games" and other awesomely bad songs during my bouts of insomnia.
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There are NO rules of dating. End of story. If something is not prohibited by the Illinois Compiled Statutes or the United States Code, you can do it. Let freedom ring!
ReplyDeleteSomehow I'm not sure it works entirely like that. They probably haven't compiled dating rules because the people that make those rules are just as confused as I am. Or, they want the protection to cheat on their wife. I'm thinking both.
ReplyDeleteMarriages is different. Marriage is a commitment.
ReplyDeleteI think there comes a point in a relationship prior to marriage where you are committed and expect the other person to be loyal to you. But times are different, as we have discussed many times.
ReplyDeleteThe real point is that "commitment" has to have a starting point but no ending point. That's why it is called a commitment.
ReplyDeleteIf the unwritten dating rules say you cannot date person B as long as you are dating person A, then there is no commitment because you can always break up with person A. So what's the point?
Same thing goes for marriage. You can't date person B until you divorce person A. When in a committed relationship, I don't think people see an ending point. They see marriage.
ReplyDeleteIf one goes into marriage thinking about divorce, then they should not be going into marriage at all.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, as I have often explained, there really is no such thing as divorce. All divorce does is bring a referee into the fighting (i.e. the judge). Even after a couple is "divorced" the case is moved to a post-decree calendar because the courts know that the fighting will continue. It's really kind of sad.
I don't think anyone goes into marriage or a relationship thinking of divorce or breakups.
ReplyDeleteRay's initial point of there being no rules is only half of the quote.
ReplyDeleteThere are no "general" or "unanimous" rules, but there are "personal" rules that are not made clear to each other in the relationship at the start. These rules become evident in a subtle sense, through discussion, body language, and reaction in dating or simple acquaintance.
Then there also the less discussed "personal" rules to one's own self; what not to wear, what not to do, who not to see, and who is right for you. These are the rules less discussed because they are more denied, either internally or in discussion with friends.
In the end, there truly are rules; but they cannot be mapped out, for that would take away a great deal of the spontaneousness of the dating game or make it that much easier for someone to follow those rules to the T with a false motive.
I hope this is somewhat interesting to the author. I'll admit I don't blog much; just the topic caught my interest.
Thanks for the input, Matt. There definitely are personal rules, but I think it's very important that these rules and expectations are clear between both parties.
ReplyDeleteBut to be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about dating being a game. That means there are winners and losers. Am I a loser because I'm single? That sure sucks. Don't get me wrong, I would love to win. But I guess I have to wait for another player in this game.
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