This is what I never expected to write about.

About a year ago I made what I always thought of as an epic blog post. It still holds true. I have no idea what I'm doing in relationships. Or how to even get in one actually. I've thrived on the book, my relationship bible, He's Just Not that Into You. I feel empowered when I read it. Suddenly male behavior makes sense. The book basically tells women, although I think the book can be applied to any gender, to not waste their time on men that are clearly not interested. Why would you want someone who doesn't want you? That's illogical.

I've always tried to make it my mission to live up to this book. I've succeeded in some aspects. I can recognize the signs of someone who is interested and someone who isn't interested. I think. But there's one thing I have not grasped...

Facebook.

He's Just Not that Into You and Facebook came out in the same year. I somehow doubt Greg had the ability to predict the future and know just how easy it is for someone to project their feelings for the world to see to be able to address it in the book. I'm supposed to be classy and instead I'm posting cryptic messages that make men say, "I'm glad I disappeared. That girl is crazy." The only people who should see that side of me is Amy, Josh, and Tommy.

So for that, I'm sorry. This blog post is emotional vomit too, but at least it's honest. Which is all I ever really asked for from anyone else.

Hey, it's Britney, y'all!!!!

Grad school has eaten my life. I was drinking tons of Diet Coke a day, so I quit and switched to tea. I realized soon later that Monster Rehab was the love of my life. Lemonade + Tea + ENERGY!!!! I decided to overload classes in an accelerated semester, so Monster Rehab has become my new habit. Today I walked into 7/11 to keep up with my habit (and my ethics paper). I walked up to the register with my hair a mess, makeup all over my face, wearing a kids size tshirt that says "Elk Grove Park District Preschool" on it with 2 cans of greatness. The following conversation took place.

Cashier: Tired?
Me: No. I have a lot of papers to write.
Cashier: What kind of paper?
Me: Tonight it's counseling ethics.
Cashier: There was a person in here earlier needing to write an ethics paper. How long does it have to be?
Me: Well, my friend's is 33 pages so far and she's not done...
Cashier: So what other papers?
Me: Community psych, theory papers...
Cashier: So how long will all of this be?
Me: In total? Like 60 pages?
Cashier: Well let me know how it goes!

...Why would I do that?

Thanksgiving

Normally I'm not too excited to celebrate Thanksgiving. I love to see my family, but being a vegetarian I just don't get into the Thanksgiving spirit. I find "I'm thankful for..." facebook statuses annoying. Shouldn't we always show appreciation for those we love?

This time I'm going to be different though. Even though I've been more negative lately, I still want to be able to look at the glass half full. And I have a lot on my mind about how lucky I really am. It just so happens to be Thanksgiving, so why not? Here goes...


In typical Thanksgiving fashion, I am thankful for my family. They have always supported me and I know they will continue to. I cannot give enough thanks for the countless times they have bent over backwards so I can do something fun. I am thankful for Brendan because he always makes me smile.

I am thankful for my friends, the new and the old. Thank you allowing me to be dramatic. Thank you for keeping me sane. And thank you for cleaning me up, both physically and mentally, in my less-than-stellar moments.

I am thankful for Dodger. You become more of a dog each day in your old age. Thank you for finally letting me pet you after all these years.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say thank you to all the people who have jaded me. You taught me to truly love and appreciate the people that genuinely care, and I am especially thankful for those people.

I am thankful for music. My brain wouldn't know how to handle life without someone else expressing the emotions I need expressed.

I am thankful for food. Especially the white kind that goes straight to my love handles. I am thankful for the people who eat the carbs with me. And that's what I'm going to do: eat some carbs with some awesome people.

Why I will never be a child psychologist

Anyone who has ever worked with children knows that there is one question you NEVER ask: What are you drawing?

I asked a child that question today. He wasn't done with his picture, so I figured it was a safe question this one time. I was wrong. He responded, "Guess!"



At the time the only thing drawn was the red thing in the middle. So I guessed puddle or something. I was wrong. "Noooo! It's a bear!"

Oh.

In this moment I realized I would never work as a child psychologist (not that I was planning on that anyway) because analyzing pictures that children have drawn is crucial. Imagine if a traumatized child I was working with drew this, and I guessed puddle. A child who is already struggling now sucks at drawing. Then because I couldn't help, the kid doesn't think anyone can help and has even bigger trust issues. I can't emotionally deal with that. Thank you, child psychologists, for being smarter than me.

The Rules of Dating

A while back my dad made a Facebook post about the rules of dating. He doesn't understand why they exist. To him, these rules make dating a game. Me? I think I agree with him. Except I don't even know what the rules of dating are. If by chance the rules did turn dating into a game, this is the world I'm living in. I have to play the game if I want to find love, or the semblance of it.

So, what are the rules of dating? I heard something a few weeks ago along the lines of "He gets 2-3 days to call/text you." Well, that's great. Then what? Is it actually ok for a woman to initiate conversation? In this day and age it seems like a silly question. Then I think about how it used to be. I wasn't around for it, but it seems as if men tried to impress girls. My recent experiences tell me that men are lazy or not courageous enough to make 100% effort. Sensitive guys are great, but I'm a stereotypical woman when it comes to dating. Unless you show me you're interested, I'm pretending I don't see how cute you are. I'm enough of a nervous wreck for the both of us. You don't have to be too. There's something to be said about traditional romance. Mainly because it actually has romance.

In an attempt to figure out the dating rules, I asked my friends to name them. I got a wide range of responses. Interestingly, the only clear cut answers came from two straight guys, which is perfect for me, being a straight girl. One of these men provided me an entire list, but the list seemed more like human decency than rules for dating. Being open and honest? Good communication? Listen? Everyone deserves that. The other simply said, "there are no rules." Those are two very different answers. What is a girl like me supposed to do now? I'm not going to be the girl that asks men their philosophy on this stuff. I can't think of a faster way to lose a guy (maybe, not bringing that stuff up is a dating rule).

All of this led me to the conclusion that we're setting ourselves up for failure. We are attempting to follow dating rules that no one actually knows, and everyone's interpretation of these apparent rules is different. It only leads to mass confusion and broken hearts. If we have to date by the rules, I propose we actually have rules we can follow. Or better yet, how about that human decency thing: just be open and honest. If we can do that, maybe the next time I meet someone with potential I'll know what to expect, saving my ipod from having to play "Foolish Games" and other awesomely bad songs during my bouts of insomnia.

What is the opposite of escalator?

The topic of conversation we had today at the mall:

Escalators should only go up. You can't escalate going down...


Originally we thought cascade referred to going down, so we called a going down escalator a "cascadalator." After googling, though, cascade is not correct terminology.

We can call the going down escalator a "descalator." DESCending escALATOR. I'm not a fan of that though. The opposite of descend is ascend. It's not called an ascendalator.

I still don't know of a better name. Thoughts?

Purse

My last post was about Boystown, too. Apparently that's where my best stories come from.

Amy, Tommy, and I were standing in a circle (triangle since there's three of us?) when all of a sudden I feel someone pulling on my purse trying to get my attention. I turned and this is the conversation that took place:

Guy: Can I have your purse?
Me: ...WHAT?
Guy: Can I have your purse?
Me: Um, no.
Guy: So the answer is no?
Me: Yeah, my stuff is in here and this is Coach.
Guy: So no?
Me: No. Go to Coach if you want one.
Guy: Well, let me know if you change your mind.
Me: I will.

Later he came into our circle and pointed to my purse asking again. I still said no, and he still said, "Let me know."